One Great Week

I haven't felt useful or quite myself for a long time. Ever since my job was "reduced" I have been feeling pretty useless and constantly doubting my own intelligence and abilities. As I continue my search for a new job it becomes harder and harder to keep a positive perspective on life.

This week I felt like myself again. By a strange circle of circumstance I became a teacher for a week-long fall history (yes, I said history) camp geared towards home schoolers. The class I taught was Performing History - quite a stretch from my regular duties as a naturalist. For one week I had a class of nine children ranging in age from 7 to 12. Every day we met dressed in 19th-century clothing and headed to our home base in the historic village - the Town Hall.

We played theater games, wrote in our journals, toured parts of the historic village, and prepared two theatrical presentations for today, our last day. There were 7 girls and 2 boys in the class and, despite their age differences, they all got along beautifully. We (yes, me too) learned to walk on stilts, roll the hoops, and play skittles. What the younger ones struggled with, the older ones stepped right in to help out. Whenever things started to get serious, the youngest ones provided near-constant comic relief. I began to think of the class as my own little production of the Sound of Music - all of us in our little dresses and hats playing games, singing songs, and forming a sort of atypical little family group.

What I discovered this week was that the person I thought I only used to be, or even imagined myself to be, still existed after all. All week we had a blast and people kept telling me what a wonderful job I was doing with the children. This afternoon some of the children asked me what class I would be teaching next fall. One's mother told me that her daughter paid me a high compliment - she said that next year she wanted to take whatever class it was that I was teaching.

I miss them already. The fact that today was Friday was bittersweet. I am indeed exhausted from my long week with the kids and all of the hours spent on lesson planning, but at the same time I was so sad to see them go. Despite my aching feet, I was reluctant to change out of my 19th-century clothes and come back to the 21st century. I find myself thinking up new classes I can teach next fall so that I can be with them all again.

This week was so profound and important to me on so many levels, and it all went so achingly fast. I actually started crying in the car on the way home because I don't want this feeling to end. I have to go back there tomorrow and they won't be there waiting for me.

Here we all are:

Sad Day at the Zoo

The worst thing that happens at zoos happened today. An animal died. Not just an animal - an ambassador, friend, companion, father, inspiration and icon. Yukon the polar bear died today.


As polar bears face threats to their survival in the wild he was a reminder of why they must be saved. He was at the zoo when I was a docent so many years ago. For years he delighted visitors with his antics in the polar bear pool. Swimming close to the glass he would push off from it with his massive back feet, giving everyone a truer sense of his size and a second's chance to press a hand against the glass where his paw met it on the other side. He forged real and true connections with visitors that were more powerful than any we could create.

Yukon and Aurora have been together for as long as I can remember. Together they have produced several cubs which are now living in zoos all over the country. It is a comfort to know that Yukon goes on even if we must learn to do without him here at home.

Through all of our sorrow shines a small beacon of hope - there is a good chance that Aurora may be pregnant again. We won't know for a few months but, if she is, I hope she gives birth to a male cub which can be named Yukon, after his father.

I'm pretty sure this is Yukon: YouTube Yukon Here are some more videos: Aurora and Yukon , Pool Fun

Below are some pictures I took of him this summer.

Moving Forward?

I've recently come to the realization that I want to stay here. The truth is, I love western New York. It's beautiful. Having moved back to Livingston County at the beginning of the summer I have been rediscovering all of the beauty that I grew up around. I can't believe I ever wanted to leave.

Part of what had made me see what I have been missing is the fact that I am constantly on the lookout for something positive and inspiring. My job has been half a job now for going on eight months. I'm working at the zoo for the summer but that will be ending in only a few short weeks and I will be back to the schedule I started the year with - three days at a place that makes me miserable followed by four days of self flagellation because I'm a failure at life. So, the places I am finding my joy are in the natural world. Nature doesn't judge me or make me feel like a failure - it's just there, everywhere, reminding me how much world and wonder there is out there to experience and be a part of.

I really am an ooshy gushy sort of person but I hate exposing that to anyone. Gad.

Despite my situation I have been working to improve my lot, so to speak. Especially now that I am in my "must stay in western New York with family" phase I have been working hard to make do with what I have. I finally created a brochure for my bat talks and have a whole list of different bat-related topics to choose from instead of just the one. I printed the brochure and came up with a sort of logo; I made professional looking mailing labels and letterhead; and I mailed brochures and my new business cards (all sporting the logo) to libraries covering at least five counties. I've also created two new blogs - batphile.wordpress.com and bigbeautifulworld.wordpress.com. Wordpress has some advantages over this medium in that it looks more professional to me and offers more creative options.

Two days after I mailed the library brochures, one called. I now have two bookings for October and one for March 2008 already. Hopefully, more will come. My next target is senior living centers. I have spoken at a few over the years and hope to generate a sizable list - they have more money for programs and are open to pretty much anything.

I am also planning to expand my program offerings to include topics other than bats. My first target topic is spiders. Besides increasing my appeal I am hoping to generate repeat business. Especially the senior living communities always ask "do you do any other talks?" I would love to be able to say "yes!"

The challenge of adding a spider talk is getting slides or taking photos and creating a power point presentation. I have been madly taking pictures of spiders when I find them (and when my camera feels like cooperating - I don't think it likes spiders). What are the odds that there is a spider organization out there that is the spider-equivalent of BCI? Doubtful but, you never know until you look. I haven't found one yet.

So, I guess I have been doing something constructive with my time. School will also be starting up again very soon - ugh. I really need to settle and start working on a project. I have been thinking recently that I would like to do an interpretive website for my project. Of course, weirdo that I am, the topic I want to do at the moment is rabies. Rabies - the website. How did I get this way? Anyway, to do it I still need to find out how to make a website in the first place. Blogs don't count. Yammer, yammer, yammer...

I feel that no blog entry is truly complete without a picture so, here goes...

Best Day Ever

I didn't want to go to work today. I wasn't going to take my camera with me either. I'm so glad I did both.

The crowd for the 2 p.m. enrichment demo dispersed more quickly than usual. Tina, the keeper, asked me what my next assignment was. "Baboons," I told her.

"Well, some day when you don't have to rush off you'll have to come in and meet the boys."

She could quickly see that I was ready now.

"Well, you'll have to bring your camera..."

I slapped my pocket right front pocket and pulled out the camera that I almost left home.

Surprised, she paused for a minute and then said, "do you have time today?" I believe I shook my head like Scooby Doo waiting for a treat and said "uh huh!" In my head I was thinking "Screw the baboons! I'm not missing this for the world."

In case you haven't seen a picture yet...today was enrichment day for the Rhinos.

Bill and Roscoe (Roscoe is wrinklier on his forehead) like bananas. I got to place the bananas in their mouths and pat their crazy skin. If you want a Rhino to feel it, you can't pat gently.

Just as Tina described so many times, the skin on their backs felt like pavement, the skin in the wrinkles and folds was surprisingly soft, and the skin on their sides (according to Tina, I have no reference) feels like elephant skin.

Roscoe gets a banana and a pat.

Bill gets his, too.

Best Day Ever.

Every Job has its drawbacks...

I am working part-time at the zoo for the summer. While I enjoy spending so much time around the animals, the job does have its drawbacks...

Apparently Bernie doesn't think much of my interpretation skills.

Working at the zoo can also be dangerous if you are an accident-prone individual like myself...

What you are looking at is the result of a Chunky Soup explosion. Seems the microwave in the Education trailer is a might stronger than the one I have at home. As I carried my hot lunch to the office I ever so gently placed the spoon in the bowl and "BLAM!," soup was everywhere. The short time the soup spent on my hands resulted in the lovely images you see here. (Some people will take pictures of anything. Geez.) Raise your hand if you are reaching towards the screen to pop that massive blister.

Spring!

I was starting to think it would never happen but, Spring has finally sprung! Despite my continued lack of gainful employment I am taking pleasure in the lengthening days, warming breezes, and familiar sounds that continue to reaffirm that spring is really here.

It seemed a long time coming this year. Traditionally, I see mourning cloaks before maple sugaring has ended. This year, I had to wait until this week. The wait was worth it...

Isn't it beautiful? Some find the mourning cloak to be a drab, boring butterfly. I think they are georgeous! How could you do anything but celebrate the first butterfly of spring? They overwinter under the bark of trees and emerge before any other species. Until I see one, I can't be sure that spring is really here.

Besides the mourning cloak we must also celebrate one of the earliest spring wildflowers - hepatica. Their beautiful purple flower heads are held up by the fuzziest stems you'll ever see. The hairs on the stem protect them from the cold and snow that still lingers in the beginning of spring.

During the cold, wet days of early spring the sounds of the season filter in to brighten even the darkest day. Cardinals sing their courting songs, the familiar Phoebe buzz call perks up the afternoon as they sit around the garden bouncing their tails and scanning the air for insects, and spring peepers, wood frogs, and chorus frogs fill the air with their musical mating game.

Next will come the best part...the green will return. The green from grass, trees, moss, and all of the wonderful plants that grow along the canal, around the pond, and in the woods and meadows. It is already peeking up from the lawns, soon it will be everywhere.

Bat Lady has Interview

This week I had a little glimpse of heaven. On Monday I drove to the Adirondack Mountain Club's Heart Lake Program Center in Lake Placid. I would be staying in the Adirondack Loj overnight and interviewing Tuesday afternoon for the position of Interpretive Programs Coordinator.

The drive on Monday couldn't have been better. The roads were clear and the sky blue and cloudless. Once I began my trek through the Adirondacks on Route 3 I was treated to a fairyland of ice-coated trees twinkling in the sunlight.

I took a side trip to visit the Adirondack Visitor Center at Paul Smith's. It was an impressive building with many new and interactive exhibits. I would have spent more time but I wanted to get to the Loj by dinner time. The volunteer working the desk at the VIC was working on a quilt and we spent several minutes discussing quilting mediums and patterns.

After leaving the VIC, I followed more perfect roads which eventually led me to Lake Placid and the Adirondack Loj. I checked in, stowed my gear, and had only a few minutes to gather my thoughts before it was time for dinner. Dinner is served family-style at the Loj so I had a chance to meet and talk with the other people staying during the week. Everyone was very friendly and when I told them the reason for my visit they immediately started asking me questions (most of which I didn't have the answers to yet) and telling me how wonderful it was there and why they return year after year. After dinner we all met up again in the great room and enjoyed a crackling fire watched over by the big moose head above the mantle. I worked on my quilt square until my dry hands cracked and began to bleed and I feared for the safety of the fabric I was working with.

After the two older couples went to their rooms I was left with the younger pair from St. Louis who began asking me again about the position I was applying for. To my great pleasure, the conversation turned to bats and we spoke and laughed for some time until none of us could resist the pull of sleep from our full bellies and the warmth of the fire.

When I retired for the evening and turned off the loft light I was struck by the number of visible stars hanging over the frozen lake. I was reluctant to to go to sleep for fear that they would be gone when I woke and I would not be able to accurately recall the beauty of that night.

In the morning I woke in the dark. My alarm claimed it was 6:30, my watch said only 3:30. I crept downstairs in my stocking feet and searched in vain for a clock to help me decide which was right. I finally had to get the attention of a Loj employee who was busy setting up the dining room for breakfast.

At breakfast I worried that I would have to forego my planned snowshoe to instead drive in to town in search of a new battery for my watch. A compromise was reached that allowed me to keep my snowshoeing engagement - I carried my travel alarm clock in my pocket for the rest of the day. I wore my malfunctioning watch as well, as silly as it seems.

I don't know why I feel the need to recount my trip, blow by blow, for this blog. No one even reads it but me and, if they did, they would have given up from boredom by now.

Anyway, I went snowshoeing, it was incredible, I saw a critter (marten), and made it back in time for my interview. Yada, yada, yada...

The interview: John, Thea, and Ryan are incredible people. I never felt at any point that I was being judged based on my weight, clothing, or terrifying hat hair. Well, I was being judged on those things, but I was the one doing the judging. It might not have been so bad if I hadn't had my picture taken under the moose in the morning. Once I saw myself on the little screen of my camera, all hope was lost. Or, perhaps, all confidence. All I could think was "Oh! I didn't realize I had gotten THAT fat!" Suddenly I looked terrible, was wearing the wrong clothes (cotton, no swishy fibers in sight), and had the world's worst case of hat hair. Plus, I was positive that I stunk a little from the morning's vigorous snowshoe. Can't I just go home, exercise my ass off (literally), get some swishy clothes, and come back in three months? Please? Or, better yet, do the interview in sort of a confessional style, where they can't really see me but I am still there.

After the interview, which lasted two hours and just made me want the job more than ever, I kept replaying in my head all of the ridiculous things I let slip past my lips. "So what did you do?" "I password protected it." Aaigh! That wasn't funny, it was stupid! If they knew about the whole - someone at work used my computer to download porn and THAT is why it's password protected - maybe it wouldn't have sounded quite so bad. And, it isn't like I won't tell her the password, I just haven't offered it up to her. Because I know better! All she has to do is ask me, she's the boss after all. But, she has never asked.

So, I'm worried that I blew it. Just made a total sham of the entire thing, from appearance to intellect. I debated writing John Million and telling him about the working conditions at the museum and why my computer is password protected and everything I have just been whining about but I didn't. It would probably just lessen my chances even more. When I talked to my Mom about it she agreed and said that it would only rehash the negative aspects of the interview instead of the positive ones. It's good advice.

They are interviewing five people on-site. I was the first. It shouldn't be too long before I hear something. It feels like an eternity already. Back to the breath holding and finger crossing...