Sunday, March 16, 2008

Bat Lady has Interview







This week I had a little glimpse of heaven. On Monday I drove to the Adirondack Mountain Club's Heart Lake Program Center in Lake Placid. I would be staying in the Adirondack Loj overnight and interviewing Tuesday afternoon for the position of Interpretive Programs Coordinator.


The drive on Monday couldn't have been better. The roads were clear and the sky blue and cloudless. Once I began my trek through the Adirondacks on Route 3 I was treated to a fairyland of ice-coated trees twinkling in the sunlight.


I took a side trip to visit the Adirondack Visitor Center at Paul Smith's. It was an impressive building with many new and interactive exhibits. I would have spent more time but I wanted to get to the Loj by dinner time. The volunteer working the desk at the VIC was working on a quilt and we spent several minutes discussing quilting mediums and patterns.


After leaving the VIC, I followed more perfect roads which eventually led me to Lake Placid and the Adirondack Loj. I checked in, stowed my gear, and had only a few minutes to gather my thoughts before it was time for dinner. Dinner is served family-style at the Loj so I had a chance to meet and talk with the other people staying during the week. Everyone was very friendly and when I told them the reason for my visit they immediately started asking me questions (most of which I didn't have the answers to yet) and telling me how wonderful it was there and why they return year after year. After dinner we all met up again in the great room and enjoyed a crackling fire watched over by the big moose head above the mantle. I worked on my quilt square until my dry hands cracked and began to bleed and I feared for the safety of the fabric I was working with.


After the two older couples went to their rooms I was left with the younger pair from St. Louis who began asking me again about the position I was applying for. To my great pleasure, the conversation turned to bats and we spoke and laughed for some time until none of us could resist the pull of sleep from our full bellies and the warmth of the fire.


When I retired for the evening and turned off the loft light I was struck by the number of visible stars hanging over the frozen lake. I was reluctant to to go to sleep for fear that they would be gone when I woke and I would not be able to accurately recall the beauty of that night.


In the morning I woke in the dark. My alarm claimed it was 6:30, my watch said only 3:30. I crept downstairs in my stocking feet and searched in vain for a clock to help me decide which was right. I finally had to get the attention of a Loj employee who was busy setting up the dining room for breakfast.


At breakfast I worried that I would have to forego my planned snowshoe to instead drive in to town in search of a new battery for my watch. A compromise was reached that allowed me to keep my snowshoeing engagement - I carried my travel alarm clock in my pocket for the rest of the day. I wore my malfunctioning watch as well, as silly as it seems.


I don't know why I feel the need to recount my trip, blow by blow, for this blog. No one even reads it but me and, if they did, they would have given up from boredom by now.




Anyway, I went snowshoeing, it was incredible, I saw a critter (marten), and made it back in time for my interview. Yada, yada, yada...


The interview: John, Thea, and Ryan are incredible people. I never felt at any point that I was being judged based on my weight, clothing, or terrifying hat hair. Well, I was being judged on those things, but I was the one doing the judging. It might not have been so bad if I hadn't had my picture taken under the moose in the morning. Once I saw myself on the little screen of my camera, all hope was lost. Or, perhaps, all confidence. All I could think was "Oh! I didn't realize I had gotten THAT fat!" Suddenly I looked terrible, was wearing the wrong clothes (cotton, no swishy fibers in sight), and had the world's worst case of hat hair. Plus, I was positive that I stunk a little from the morning's vigorous snowshoe. Can't I just go home, exercise my ass off (literally), get some swishy clothes, and come back in three months? Please? Or, better yet, do the interview in sort of a confessional style, where they can't really see me but I am still there.



After the interview, which lasted two hours and just made me want the job more than ever, I kept replaying in my head all of the ridiculous things I let slip past my lips. "So what did you do?" "I password protected it." Aaigh! That wasn't funny, it was stupid! If they knew about the whole - someone at work used my computer to download porn and THAT is why it's password protected - maybe it wouldn't have sounded quite so bad. And, it isn't like I won't tell her the password, I just haven't offered it up to her. Because I know better! All she has to do is ask me, she's the boss after all. But, she has never asked.


So, I'm worried that I blew it. Just made a total sham of the entire thing, from appearance to intellect. I debated writing John Million and telling him about the working conditions at the museum and why my computer is password protected and everything I have just been whining about but I didn't. It would probably just lessen my chances even more. When I talked to my Mom about it she agreed and said that it would only rehash the negative aspects of the interview instead of the positive ones. It's good advice.


They are interviewing five people on-site. I was the first. It shouldn't be too long before I hear something. It feels like an eternity already. Back to the breath holding and finger crossing...

Monday, March 3, 2008

Bat Lady Needs Guidance

It's bad enough slogging through postings, interviews, and your own expectations when looking for a new job. When you are looking for a job because you suddenly need one is much worse. I have made it through round one of the ADK interviews and will be heading to Lake Placid next week for an on-site interview. Yea. Hallelujah. I am incredibly excited and nervous about it. I have been trying to tell myself that I should just enjoy the trip, the scenery, and the chance to finally spend a little time in the Adirondacks (as I have been longing to do for several months now).

The prospect of getting the pet sitter and planning for the trip and ugh! what should I wear? is plenty for me to deal with on top of the school project I have been steadfastly avoiding. My bills are beginning to get the better of me and I am really starting to feel the sting from the loss of 20 hours per week. Thursdays are hell because after four days away I return to work full of resentment and anger which take me almost a full day to get over. My desperation is turned up a few degrees higher.

I spend a ridiculous amount of time questioning my value as an employee (in any position, anywhere) and worrying that if I do get the ADK job I will let them down. And then the sun comes back out and I am suddenly invincible and know that I can excel in any position. I wish I had a switch so I could just be confident, capable, energetic Liz all of the time.

I know. Tiny violins, right? So why am I writing tonight? Because today I was called to interview for a local, full-time with benefits position at a place I actually think is cool and could probably even enjoy working for. I returned the call and will interview tomorrow. Now the thoughts that plague my mind are What if they hire me? What if they hire me before I hear about the ADK job? What if I start working there and ADK calls with good news? I suppose the answer is simple...I apologize to the local place and take the ADK job. I guess the only real issue here is the guilt I am already feeling at the prospect of letting someone down. I guess...that it is impossible to go through life without letting people down from time to time. Bottom line: I need to do what is right for me and try to do it in an adult way. You would think that after all of my years in retail and as a naturalist I would have accepted that it is impossible to make everyone happy all of the time. I guess I am practiced at dealing with it in specific situations only.

I need to do what's right for me. If they hire me locally, I will accept. I need a full-time job. If that happens and then ADK makes me an offer, I will accept. I have a feeling that the local employer would understand and maybe even be happy for me despite the inconvenience. Regardless, I need to do what's right for me. Perhaps I should get it tattooed on my wrist so I can keep reminding myself. Hmmm.....:)