Bat Lady Needs Guidance

It's bad enough slogging through postings, interviews, and your own expectations when looking for a new job. When you are looking for a job because you suddenly need one is much worse. I have made it through round one of the ADK interviews and will be heading to Lake Placid next week for an on-site interview. Yea. Hallelujah. I am incredibly excited and nervous about it. I have been trying to tell myself that I should just enjoy the trip, the scenery, and the chance to finally spend a little time in the Adirondacks (as I have been longing to do for several months now).

The prospect of getting the pet sitter and planning for the trip and ugh! what should I wear? is plenty for me to deal with on top of the school project I have been steadfastly avoiding. My bills are beginning to get the better of me and I am really starting to feel the sting from the loss of 20 hours per week. Thursdays are hell because after four days away I return to work full of resentment and anger which take me almost a full day to get over. My desperation is turned up a few degrees higher.

I spend a ridiculous amount of time questioning my value as an employee (in any position, anywhere) and worrying that if I do get the ADK job I will let them down. And then the sun comes back out and I am suddenly invincible and know that I can excel in any position. I wish I had a switch so I could just be confident, capable, energetic Liz all of the time.

I know. Tiny violins, right? So why am I writing tonight? Because today I was called to interview for a local, full-time with benefits position at a place I actually think is cool and could probably even enjoy working for. I returned the call and will interview tomorrow. Now the thoughts that plague my mind are What if they hire me? What if they hire me before I hear about the ADK job? What if I start working there and ADK calls with good news? I suppose the answer is simple...I apologize to the local place and take the ADK job. I guess the only real issue here is the guilt I am already feeling at the prospect of letting someone down. I guess...that it is impossible to go through life without letting people down from time to time. Bottom line: I need to do what is right for me and try to do it in an adult way. You would think that after all of my years in retail and as a naturalist I would have accepted that it is impossible to make everyone happy all of the time. I guess I am practiced at dealing with it in specific situations only.

I need to do what's right for me. If they hire me locally, I will accept. I need a full-time job. If that happens and then ADK makes me an offer, I will accept. I have a feeling that the local employer would understand and maybe even be happy for me despite the inconvenience. Regardless, I need to do what's right for me. Perhaps I should get it tattooed on my wrist so I can keep reminding myself. Hmmm.....:)